atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
