yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize