She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
