Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
