My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
