The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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