wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize