I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
high people should be assigned attendants
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
