dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
