I just pynch a tree in the face
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
