So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize