You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
