Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
