Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
