I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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