your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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