I wish I could punch you in the face.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
