Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
