is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
