were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
