I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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