I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My bed smells like the plague
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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