take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So squirting runs in the family.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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