hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
