Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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