Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
