i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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