Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
