my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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