Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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