Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
