woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
