How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
