they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
false alarm, still single
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize