eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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