instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
