grandma shit on top of the toilet
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
