i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
