Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
