yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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