remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize