He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
