Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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