I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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