Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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