I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
