woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
