It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
