I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
