in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
