You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
