my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
