Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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