so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
