shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
