started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
