He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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