Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Houston, we have a squirter
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
