Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
