I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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