i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
