It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
