I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
