I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
