Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
