You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
