i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
