well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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