This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
