How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
